What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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