You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
