I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
