I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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