She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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