I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
