I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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