so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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