my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
