An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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