he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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