The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
