Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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