There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
