I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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