i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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