In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just google imaged poop.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
