I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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