Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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