i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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