i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
