Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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