Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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