I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
