brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
