Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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