i permit you to call me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
