Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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