I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
