There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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