i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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