EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize