I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize