You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
