I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no you cant smoke seaweed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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