He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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