my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
