guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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