My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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