I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
