Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
