We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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