The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
