dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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