You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
