he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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