When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
