don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
