I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm at about main and main street
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
