it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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