nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
