he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
