Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
