ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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