Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
