Plan B is the new Plan A
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
