And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
