Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
