u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
