I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fuck appropriateness.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
