Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
