I hate all girls vehemently.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nutella sex= disaster
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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