you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
