btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
