Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
